"I learned a lot about falling in love when I fell out of love." - Tigers Jaw, Never Saw it Coming
The interesting thing about falling out of love is that when it finally, permanently happens, you're not sad like you had expected. My love story was one broken up not by fighting or cheating, only distance. I moved 2,000 miles from home to attend college and we were forced apart. The months following our break up represent one of the most difficult times in my life, and I would never relive that. I literally spent weeks on the verge of tears, and even when I wasn't thinking about him, tears would fall involuntarily. I tried everything to alleviate the pain - meditation, reliving every bad thing he'd ever done to me, talking to friends, to family - I could not get the ache to go away. I have never experienced the likes of it before or since. It was not just an emotional pain; my heart truly hurt, my stomach churned constantly. Eventually I managed to pull myself together somewhat and resume a normal life.
So when I finally came home for Christmas, it was with excitement that I awaited our reunion. For so long I had dreamt of him and yearned to be in his arms again. When he finally did pick me up, I had a lovely time with him. Being home for only two weeks, I worried that I would get attached again and that it would set me back to the painful place I had been in for all those months. However, something interesting happened the more we spent time together. I realized that I no longer loved him. I still loved the old him, the one that I had fallen in love with in the first place. But he was not the same person. I saw every last one of his flaws clearly and knew that I could never go back to him. In the rush of the holiday season, I had little time to dwell on this change of heart.
Now back at college, I look back on our time spent together and I honestly can't feel sad anymore. I can't even miss the good days we had. That chapter is closed, and I can't imagine myself ever ending up with him again. The old him is gone, and I don't have any desire to mourn that loss. Unlike other times when I told myself that I was over him, I truly know without a shadow of a doubt that I am over him. I am not ready for a new relationship, but I know that a far greater love than his is out there for me. I am finally hopeful. Falling out of love has taught me more than I can ever begin to express in a blog.
So when I finally came home for Christmas, it was with excitement that I awaited our reunion. For so long I had dreamt of him and yearned to be in his arms again. When he finally did pick me up, I had a lovely time with him. Being home for only two weeks, I worried that I would get attached again and that it would set me back to the painful place I had been in for all those months. However, something interesting happened the more we spent time together. I realized that I no longer loved him. I still loved the old him, the one that I had fallen in love with in the first place. But he was not the same person. I saw every last one of his flaws clearly and knew that I could never go back to him. In the rush of the holiday season, I had little time to dwell on this change of heart.
Now back at college, I look back on our time spent together and I honestly can't feel sad anymore. I can't even miss the good days we had. That chapter is closed, and I can't imagine myself ever ending up with him again. The old him is gone, and I don't have any desire to mourn that loss. Unlike other times when I told myself that I was over him, I truly know without a shadow of a doubt that I am over him. I am not ready for a new relationship, but I know that a far greater love than his is out there for me. I am finally hopeful. Falling out of love has taught me more than I can ever begin to express in a blog.
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